what is it

what is it
that makes me do this?
that makes me feel this way?
I don't want you
but I do need you
I want her
the one with the large breasts
and that one there
the 19 year old
who smells like peppermint
and kisses with the passion
of a girl that still feels
and this one
that likes to watch me pee
but doesn't like to be touched
and Lisa
the one with the damaged heart
who I could love
and do
but can't.

So can you explain
with all the danger
and strangeness
and wrongness
between us
every night
when I am done flirting
copping feels
I always show up
at your door?