inwardly becoming
whom both I desire and despise
I find the respite of life
somewhere beyond my means
the damage i wage upon myself
physically and spiritually
keeps me backwardsly balanced

should I fall permamanently
or just to sleep for the moment

only seems to matter
when placed in the children's eyes.

when I do wake
sometimes the tide is with me
often the tide is not

at bay, continously
I can feel something more
but don't know where to find it.

for now I accept the moment
the moments pass not forward
but circle around

endless spirals.