God

God is everywhere we are told as children.

I drive around town after using my laundry
money to but a six pack of Bass at Greenes
I see little evidence of this.

Up before St.Charles, there is this little garden
with a sign, the only word I can make out from
this distance is God. As I sit there waiting at the red
An older scraggly woman
In a fur fringed jacket and worn jeans
hookin on the corner begins to approach my car
prolly thinking I'm buying.
Yeah, like I need it, I think as the light turns green and
into first, wondering if maybe they can smell it.
red light
red light
red light
car in front of me says on one side
"Jesus is Lord"
the other says
"Life is not a choice" choice being emphasized
yeah, no fucking shit.
red light
red light
yellow light
I stop anyways
just to piss off
the guy who has been tail-gating me
and turn sharp onto Myrtle
spinning past Mary Mac's
nearly plowing
into some kid with no hair and long side-burns
and his beat-girlfriend, neither noticing the near death
slamming my brakes, sitting, I hear the clacking of her
platform hippie bitch boots, pink flairs hanging downwards
drizzle licking my windshield from the cool gray sky

dumping into first
there's that old woman
whose jaw flaps endlessly
in bright purple parachute pants
and yellow rain jacket
waving an empty clear plastic bag at me
holding another with cans in her other gnarled hand
she says something as I slip into second
and yeah,
if I had a can, I'd chuck it at her.
Third is getting rougher
even though my rabbit was just in the shop
half brakes slide me to stop and dump again
there's that car again, seen a chick get out once
the white one with painted bullet holes
or leopard spots, not sure which
dump second reminding myself to grab her and ask
next I see her. My right eye twitches again
and I rub, not supposed to, I was told as a kid
and I see angels dancing, since I cant see out of
my left eye hardly at all. The angel sparks die, falling
and third (groaning) finds my street in a pleasant blur
telling myself once again, that I need to keep a bottle
opener in the car, wanting a Bass, if Im going to be
drinking this expensive shit.
Slide, stop, dump.
Slide, stop, dump.
My dad tells me earlier that my ex told my Mom
that my girls school has threatened to sue if
I dont stop harrassing them.
Jesus fucking christ, I've only called three times
over the past nine months to get the names of my girls
teachers and their report cards, Mother Fuckers, they
don't know harrassment, yet.

I see a space in front of the house I have an apartment in,
granted, not much of a space, I parallel looking at the
string of lights Shaun has left out from christmas
playing bumper touch with a new Nissan
and an old metal Volvo, engine cuts and sputters
I open the door and slap a steel toe on the pavement
grabbing my six and slam my door shut, twice.
I turn look forward as a gay guy in a white honda civic
checks me out, rolling slowly past.
I just smile, grab my crotch and spit
and turn around, wondering what he is thinking,
step over the dog shit, up the walk and into the alley
the red/brown-stained BVD's still sticking up from the dirt
by the neighbor's house, soft droplets, my cheeks feel something

I sit on my gray wood porch and slam the cap off a Bass
with the rail and feel
feel the light rain
watch the gray move to gun metal
sitting, not ready to enter yet
and wanting to believe in what I had been told
wanting to believe
believe
believe
believe
wanting to believe
in something